Perfectionism: Why are we so caught up in being perfect?

Definition of Perfectionism:

Perfectionism is refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.  A doctrine holding that religious, moral, social or political perfection is attainable, especially the theory that human moral or spiritual perfection should be or has been attained.

As a recovering perfectionist, I was asking myself, why do I get so caught up in being perfect?  The definition above says it is impossible to be perfect yet something deep within me drives these thoughts.  Pursuing perfection only pushes me into a vicious cycle that leads me down a path of destruction.  This pursuit leaves me feeling like a failure, frustrated, depressed, inadequate and unworthy.  Because I feel this way, it causes me to retreat, isolate myself, give up, engage in self harming behaviors and ruminate on what I could have done better.  Anybody with me?

Where does it say in God’s word that we have to be a certain body size or shape?  Where does it say we have to have a clean house?  Where does it say that we have to please everyone around us?  Where does it say we have to do everything right?  Where does it say we have to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother, have the perfect body, have the perfect house, the perfect kids?  God doesn’t call us to perfection.  HE calls us to Him. 

When we get stuck in that vicious cycle, we need to remember who God says we are: beloved, forgiven, redeemed, chosen, loved, holy, accepted, precious, a masterpiece, and worth dying for...

So why are we so caught up in being perfect? 

1. It's measurable: It allows us to judge how we are doing whereas love and grace are immeasurable.

2. Because perfect means that everything is good.  But life isn’t perfect. Its messy.  But if we are focused on this futuristic unattainable goal, we can’t live in the present.

a.     It makes our present imperfections become more pronounced

b.     It makes us feel like we are constantly failing, not measuring up

c.      It makes us feel like our wheels are spinning because we aren’t making progress
3. Because Jesus was perfect.  If we are going to be like Jesus then we have to be perfect, right? Wrong. Yes Jesus was perfect but does God demand perfection from us? NO. God doesn’t ask us to be perfect or to pursue perfection, He asks us to pursue Him.Through our pursuit of Him, He will make us more like Christ (more perfect). ONLY God can do the work

Example: If your child painted you a picture and she holds it up to you with a big smile and says “Mommy look what I made!”  Would you say—"that is terrible.  You didn’t even stay in the lines. Since when is a turtle purple? Y ou spelled your name wrong and some of the letters are backwards." NEVER!  You take delight in the picture they made for you.  You celebrate their effort.  You thank them and give them a hug.  Do you expect a 4 year old to color perfectly?  NO.  Just like I don’t expect perfection from my children, neither does our heavenly Father expect perfection from us. 

Reflect on these verses:

Romans 3:23 “For ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” 

God knows we aren’t perfect.  He knows we are going to sin.  But He doesn’t give up on us.  

Ephesians 2:10 “For we are God’s masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God prepared in advance for us to do”.  

Who prepared the works?  GOD!  Not us.  If we are pursuing the things we think will make us perfect, we are off track.  We must pursue the things God has for us.

Philippians 3:14  “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus”. 

Just like a 4 year old child grows and continues to learn and practice coloring, their skills are going to improve.  If we don’t keep growing and pursuing God our skills will remain stagnant as well. 

Pursue God.  

Beloved, if becoming perfect means becoming more like Christ, then are we really in pursuit of perfection if we are pursuing things of the world and not the things of God? 

Zechariah 1:3 "‘Return to me,’ declares the Lord Almighty, ‘and I will return to you,"

Bitterness: Our Heart's Poison

This is a matador vine, which is found in the jungles of South America. This vine takes root in the crevasses of the tree and slowly begins to grow. As it grows, it wraps tendrils around the tree that grow larger and clasp tighter as it climbs skyward, eventually killing the tree.  Once to the top, a flower blooms and scatters its seeds, starting the process over again.

I was struck by what a powerful picture this is of how bitterness can slowly creep into our lives and destroy us emotionally, physically, and spiritually. No one ever sets out to be bitter and it is often years in the making. But it is does strangle us and makes our lives miserable, forcing us often to engage in unhealthy behaviors to numb our feelings. 

Are you bitter? You may be asking yourself, "How did I get here? How did I become so bitter?" The process usually begins when you are wronged. Maybe you are a victim of horrific abuse and your abuser isn't sorry. Maybe something was taken from you unjustly and you want it back. Maybe you are angry with God that He could have allowed you to be hurt so badly.  Maybe you don't want to forgive. Maybe you want revenge, restitution, justice. 

The enemy pounces on those feelings and uses it as an opportunity to pull us away from God and turn to other things to make our pain go away.  Eating disorders, alcohol, drugs, sex--anything to deaden the pain of what we are feeling.  This pushes us into a cycle of destruction and bitterness feeds that cycle. 

Friend, I don't know what you have been through, but God calls us to forgiveness. Not to excuse the wrongs that have happened or to make them go away. But God calls you to forgive so that the pain doesn't ruin us.  In the short term, unforgiveness offers relief, but in the long run, it just eats away at your heart. It allows the accuser to continue to hurt you over and over again by what was done in the past.  I would bet that it is not hurting them any longer.  You can forgive the person without excusing the act.  Forgiveness brings a peace that helps you go on with life (Philippians 4:7).

God sent His Son to pay the ultimate sacrifice for all of our sins.  Christ died on the cross so that we can be free! Don't let the poison of bitterness keep you from walking in freedom.  Lay it down and allow God to restore you.

More information on the Matador Vine can be found here 

https://meetingintheclouds.wordpress.com/2011/05/05/murderer/

Overcomer

Life throws us lots of twists and turns.  God didn't promise us a life with Him that would be problem-free.  When Goliath-like giants that can overwhelm us to the point of despair and hopelessness come into our lives, we have to remember that God is on our side. "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31).  Mandisa's song 'Overcomer' encourages us to remember that we are "more than conquerors" (Romans 8:37) over whatever may come into our life.

Are You An Island of Isolation?

Are you the type of person that when you are going through something in your life that is really tough, you tend to push others away?  For me it depends on what it is.  For example if it I had cancer, it wouldn't be hard for me to let others know and to receive their help. However, when I had an eating disorder, I felt guilty, embarrassed and ashamed so I didn't want anyone to know.  So the worse things got with my eating disorder the more I tried to hide and push people away.  I may not have pushed them away physically but emotionally my relationships became very shallow and few knew what was really going on in my life. I was an emotional island who had very few visitors.

WHY? Bottom line: FEAR.  Fear of judgement. Fear of what other people might think. Fear of letting others down. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of being held accountable. Fear of hurting others.

Sometimes it seems easier to be an island.  In a way I thought I was protecting myself but really I was hiding. It felt lonely, empty and isolated.  The enemy likes us to be isolated because we are cut off from the body of Christ. It is much easier to get us to believe lies about ourselves and act on them if we have no one who is challenging how we are thinking. 

Lets look at what Scripture says about isolation

God intended for us to live life with others and to help each other with our struggles.

o   Genesis 2:18 “The LORD God said “it is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

o   Ecclesiastes 4:12 “A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated but two can stand back to back and conquer.”

o   Hebrews 10:24-25 “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching”.

·      The body does not function if different parts are isolated or disconnected. 

o   1 Corinthians 12:20-21 “As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand “I don’t need you! And the hand cannot say to the feet, I don’t need you”.

·      Isolation can open us up to spiritual attack especially when our thoughts go unchecked

o   Proverbs 18:1 “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgement"

·      Jesus retreated into solitude to be with God. 

o   Mark 1:35 “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed”.

o   Matthew 14:23 “After he has sent the crowds away, He went up on the mountain, by Himself to pray and when it was evening, He was there alone”.

From these verses we learn that time spent alone with God in solitude is Biblical, refreshing, and restorative.  However, time spent in isolation brings anxiety, depression, loneliness, and fear.

But once you are already on an island, how do you get off?  You need help. You have to share your struggle with someone.  That might sound scary but you don't have to start telling everyone you meet saying "Hi, I'm Jen. I have an eating disorder. Could you tell me what time it is?" That is not what God intended either. 

Beloved. Stop hiding. Find someone you trust. Share with them what is going on. Get off that island!

Anthony Brown: Worth

Singer/song writer Anthony Brown and Group Therapy have recently come out with a song that I thought was so powerful and I want to share it with you.

The lyrics are
You thought I was worth saving, so you came into my life
You thought I was worth keeping, so you cleaned me up inside
You thought I was to die for, so you sacrificed your life
So I could be clean
So I could be whole
So I could tell everyone I know

Beloved, this is a glimpse into how God sees you and how much He loves you!

Sheep In Need Of A Shepherd

I learned something about sheep today.  I have been reading Phillip Keller's book, A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23.  He takes this well-known Psalm and helps his reader to see it through a new lens; through the eyes of a shepherd.  Most of us aren't familiar with the nomadic life of a shepherd, leading a flock through a barren land in search of food and water and all that entails.  But people back then had an understanding of that life.  Keller's insights help to give us a better context of what is really trying to be conveyed through this psalm.  

In Psalm 23:2 it says " He makes me lie down in green pastures".  Did you know that sheep won't lie down unless four requirements are met?  They must be

1. Free of fear
2. Free of friction within their own flock
3. Free of parasites or pests
4. Free of hunger

The only thing that can offer them freedom from these distractions is their owner and caretaker, their shepherd.  

When these needs are not met the flock is restless, discontented, agitated and disturbed.  The same is true for people.  When we are not free of these distractions we are not contented.  We can't lie down and rest. 

Do you find it hard to rest?  Look at the four items listed above and see if you can find the source of your unrest.  Maybe you're afraid of gaining weight?  Maybe you have a strained relationship that causes you to turn to eating behaviors to numb the pain?  Maybe you are fixated on recurring or disagreeable experiences that bug you, but keep you distracted?  Maybe you deny yourself the food your body needs causing you to try and satisfy your gnawing hunger by other means?

Listen to all God, as your Shepherd, does for you as described by Phillip Keller:

"He works to clear the life of rocks of stony unbelief. He attempts to break up the hard proud human heart that is set like sun-dried clay. He then sows the seed of His own precious Word, which, if given half a chance to grow, will produce rich crops of contentment and peace. He waters this with the dews and rain of His own presence by the Holy Spirit. He tends and cares and cultivates the life, longing to see it become rich and green and productive." (page 55)


That is how our God, our Shepherd, works in our lives.  Despite the billions of people on the earth, He carefully and lovingly does this for each one of us, for YOU!  Run to Him.  Cling to Him.  He is waiting for you. 

Let the Words of Psalm 23 wash over you

1  The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;

    He leads me beside the still waters.

3 He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness

    For His name’s sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

    I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

    You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; 
    And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.